Being 'IN' the World and Not 'OF' It

I came across this quote in someones response on Sarah Mae's blog Stretching Into Blue

"There is one thing worse than failing before men and that is being successful in things that don't matter to God"


The above quote stuck out to me. How many times I have added too many things to the plate in an effort to 'please man' without consulting my heavenly Father?  Far too many to count.  It's not out of malevolence that I've acquired too much on my to-do list.  I really do feel led to try and serve, learn, teach, etc. all in the name of God.  But do I consult God first? . . . . Um, not as often as I should.  The second I seek to accomplish what I think it His will without actually bringing Him along for the ride is basically a recipe for true failure.  I've replace God with my own pride.  Seeking accomplishment of the world and acceptance of others.  Seeking to be a part of the 'group'.  Being OF this world and not simply living IN it. 

Matthew 16:26
And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?

1 Corinthians 7:31
Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away.

Lord forgive me, because if I struggle with this so much - how am I ever going to be the role model to teach this to my children?  So much of the pleasures/desires of this world call to them. . . . materials, status, money, belonging to the crowd, outward appearance, latest fashion/music/trend, etc.  How can I teach them to quiet that inner voice calling them to move ahead without taking God with them?  How can I better discern and weed out the negative influences that aim to steal their heart and taint their spirit? 

Matthew 18:7
What sorrow awaits the world, because it tempts people to sin. Temptations are inevitable, but what sorrow awaits the person who does the tempting.

John 12:25
Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity.

It is a delicate balance.  Understand that I don't want to take everything away in an overly legalistic way.  How would they ever be able to cope, persevere, stand firm if they're never tested by the sins of this world?  How can they reflect on their own sin if I put them in a bubble, overly protecting them from what's truly out there?  They cannot learn love and mercy if they are never tested with the grave reality of sin - theirs and of others. 

1 Corinthians 5:10
But I wasn’t talking about unbelievers who indulge in sexual sin, or are greedy, or cheat people, or worship idols. You would have to leave this world to avoid people like that.

Then on the other end of the scale, I don't want to overindulge - allowing them to be supersaturated in what 'everyone else' is doing.  Akin to leaving my children to the 'wolves'. . . . fend for themselves and pray that God helps them work it out.  No, my job as their parent is to strike that balance in between.  It's that balance that I'm also trying to learn for myself. . . . . .

Matthew 10:16
Look, I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. So be as shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.


. . . . . thoughts to be continued. . . .



***Linked to:  Women Living Well

My Birthday - What Another Year Has Taught Me

Wow, it's been a whole year past since I've been here before.  Another 365 days, or would you say 366 since Feb. 2012 had a Leap Year day???  Either way, it's been awhile.  A lot can happen in a week around our house, let alone a whole year.  With baby #5 due in June, basement finishing project currently underway, and a whole myriad of misc. to keep us busy - it's no wonder a lot can change.


So what has a whole year done for this birthday girl? Hmm, time for some inner reflection . . . .


Over the last year, I've learned that some things in this world really aren't that important. . . . or at least not as important as I used to make them.  And some things are not negotiable; up for debate.   In a nutshell, I've learned more about what to let go of and what I should grasp onto harder.  For instance. . . .

• Some people really are mean-spirited, won't change and are not content until you are discontent
• Other people are a blessing and I am forever thankful they've been a part of my life.  Don't know what I'd do w/out their encouragement
• Being home to raise my kids is most important in this season of life vs. a career
• Baseboards/ceiling fan/ledges being dirty are not the end of the world.  Who looks at those things anyways?!
• The 5-second rule reigns supreme in this house. . . . unless what was dropped was wet/gooey.
• Underwear/burp rags really don't have to be folded
• Kids being crazy actually helps calm the chaos. . . they have to run out of energy sooner or later! *wink*
• Pets are a great addition to a family, but some family dynamics no longer fit the ability to have/care for a pet as needed
• Fighting the laundry 'monster' in a house with 6 people is a futile effort.  As long as they have 1 clean outfit & 1 clean pair of undergarments - we're all good!
• Having less $ has caused us to focus more on what we DO have, what we can afford to GIVE away and how to better UTILIZE what is currently in our possession.
• Coordinated nap times with both Wookeese & Nattie Bear is a blessing
• The human body can actually function on less sleep than what I think is ideal
• Patience!  Wish I had more but I do see its benefit when I'm of the right mind to use it. 
• No longer do I harbor an aversion to minivans.  I really like our orange 'party' machine.  :)

But most importantly, over the last year I've learned that even in my moments of doubt, fear, resentment and lack of faith - God STILL continues to stand by and show me that He hasn't given up on me!  When we've run short on supplies, he provides.  When I become frazzled, he is there to calm. 

And when I hurt, he has brought others in my life to show me love.  There really is no greater lesson & gift than that. ♥


**Linked to:  A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Women Living Well

Easter the 'American' Way

I remember many Easter mornings coming into the living room and seeing the large basket filled to the brim with candy, toys and other misc. goodies.  My heart and taste buds leaped for joy as I ravaged forward toward my morning reward.  The more candy the better and I'm sure my parents paid dearly many holidays. 


One article I found online from The Fiscal Times listed expected Easter spending for 2012 to increase (from 2011 stats) by 11% to the budget crippling tune of $16.75 Billion. . . . . YES, I said BILLION!  
The article also lists the avg. spending of Americans age 18 or older at approximately $145.28.  As you can imagine, these figures are materialized in everything from new Easter outfits, candy, baskets, decorations, cards, and we can't forget Easter Dinner!  I'm sure there's something I'm missing to make up the $16.75 BILLION. . . . . sorry, but I can't resist bolding and highlighting that figure in red.  It's so astronomical that I can't bypass it's significance relating to how we view holidays in our society.

Gift baskets from Meijers
Anything your Easter-filled heart desires from Target
Do I even need to mention good ol' price cutting Wal-Mart?  Really?  Are the inflatable bunnies on the lawn really necessary???

*SIGH*  I must admit that I've bought into the Easter myth for many years, mindlessly buying more stuff, more candy. . . . MORE JUNK.  Apparently, not much has changed with the 'meaning' of Easter from when I was younger.   This is clearly evident when you look around at the merchandising machine of the 'American' way.   No holiday is safe from the marketing ploy to buy more stuff for others or in a shallow attempt to make yourself feel good. :(

In my opinion. . . I think the devil created peeps, lol!  ;)

But S-Money$ and I  don't want to keep doing things this way simply because it's how we've done it in the past.  In the past we missed the main point of this holiday. . . . and that was JESUS.  I wonder, like us, how many others call themselves Christians yet leave out the key component of this holiday - the key to our salvation, the answer to our sin???  But not anymore!  We can't keep going on the wrong path.  S-Money$ and I are determined to make this change - not just for us but for our children's sake.  I don't want them to get older and celebrate Easter thinking it is only about candy, baskets, people dressed up in awful bunny costumes coaxing the kids to 'smile for the camera', etc.   It makes a total mockery of all JESUS has done for us by conquering sin, death and Satan yet not even acknowledging Him during this time.  Rising from the dead to show that the evil one and death cannot hold Him.  AMEN!  THAT is what I want our children to remember.  That is the essence of this day.  And THAT is the TRUTH! 


We made sure this year to cut our spending to $15 per child with gifts, very minimal candy and even a small egg hunt that the kids knew were from Mom & Dad; not the Easter Bunny. We also did an activity making resurrection rolls to signify Christ's death, burial and resurrection (hence the name of the rolls) along with the story of why this is so important to us and our eternity.  See, we can be in the world but not of it.  We can take some aspects - like the joy of gift giving - and redeem it in a more positive way.  We don't have to live blindly when Christ has so graciously given us a chance to see.


Have a Happy Easter remembering first and foremost that He Is Risen!!

Coolest Mom Ever!

No matter how hectic the day or how much margin I'm in desperate need for. .. . sometimes God gives me a nudge that just letting go can do everyone a great world of good!  The three oldest kiddies decided to take advantage of my 'more lenient than normal' mood and commenced into a full out indoor water fight. . . .

Besides, being dubbed the 'Coolest Mom Ever' by my oldest helps make it all worth it!  ;)

p.s. Don't worry S-Money$ . . . . they cleaned up their mess w/no fuss. ♥

M A R G I N

Margin.  Do you have it? 

Credit: revolutionannapolis.com

And NO I don't mean the outer area on your paper. . . . though the concept is similar.  I'm talking about the space we have left in the day for meaningful things.  Do you know what that is in your life?  Many days it doesn't seem like there's much margin left at the end of the day.  Many of our nights are fraught with a non-sleeping baby, early waking toddler and night owl older kids (13 and almost 9 yrs.) so you can imagine the yin-yang pull on both S-Money$ and I to accommodate and meet everyones' 'needs. . . . Oh, I guess S-Money$ and I should be meeting each other's needs too - OOPS! 

Due to some of the craziness in our life, I decided to pick up the book 'Breathe - Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life' by Keri Wyatt Kent.  I received it several years ago through our church's MOPS group (Mothers of PreSchoolers).  Years later, the words Keri shares are not only uplifting but definitely an encouragement for me to not get discouraged. . . but to keep aiming for that 'Sabbath Simplicity' that she speaks about in her book.

Within the first chapter I am convicted and humbled by the point she brings up,

"As much as you may think you want that intimacy with your heavenly Father, if you keep yourself too busy, you will squeeze that relationship to the edges of your life.  It can happen whether you are too busy with your kids and home, your career, or even doing 'religious' things like teaching Sunday school or doing your homework for Bible study."  

Having good intentions that don't materialize into action is futile.  Each day, though, I'm faced with this reality.  The issue with margin lies in my own choices - I know this.  Like I shared with good friends the other night over dinner, I try to be everything for everyone - SuperMom for hubby, kids, etc. - but is that really glorifying the Father if by the end of the day I'm ready to collapse in a heap in my bed?  If I volunteer only to dread the impending date out of sheer exhaustion & stress?  Jesus was busy yet he was able to carve out the margin he needed to rest and be with the Father.  Shouldn't this be more my example than everyone else I see running ragged as I mindlessly follow?


But I am not alone.  I am not the only mother/wife/person searching for some sort of balance in life.  Searching for that area of margin where I can live out 'Sabbath Simplicity' - or even just take in the moment and breathe.  It's not just Keri's words that bring me to this realization that I need some change in my life and attitude, but also God's Word.  His promise in Matthew 11:28 seem like a cool drink for my already parched heart. . . "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." 

He sends the invitation - "Come to me. . ".  All I have to do is respond.  I don't have all the answers everyday.  If I did, then stress/exhaustion/frustration/tiredness wouldn't exist.  But I do have an invitation.  An invite to not only come to Him but also to seek his calling on what the margin in my life should be . . "and I will give you rest." 

Dare I respond? 


**Linked to: Raising Homemakers / Raising Arrows  / Women Living Well

The Five Love Languages

I remember reading Gary Chapman's book 'The Five Love Languages' early in my marriage and not only enjoyed the contents, but I also learned a little more about myself and hubby.  For those not familiar with Mr. Chapman, the idea surrounding the five love languages is that all people show love in five basic ways - see below.  Also, each individual will exhibit a primary 'love language' a majority of the time and possibly a secondary 'language'. . . . though at times we may show someone a blending/combination of all five. 

For example, when taking the assessment quiz - my primary love language is Quality Time with Words of Affirmation as my secondary. S-Money$'s primary love language is Touch and Quality Time as his secondary (though Words of Affirmation was close for 2nd place).  The assessment quiz coined us to a 'T' as we both fit the results 100%. 

Those five Love Languages are (excerpts from the website):

Words of Affirmation - If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time -Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. 

Gifts - Don’t mistake this love language for materialism. . . . If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service - Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Touch - This language isn’t all about the bedroom. . . . Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.



Recently pondering the concept again, I put Mr. Chapman's book on hold at our library, 'The Five Love Languages of Children'.  I was familiar with what the five languages are so surely it shouldn't be too hard to guess which 'languages' my kids speak.  But it's funny how years later I'm learning all over again!  This time I'm learning the love languages of my children; more specifically - The Bigs aka Spillz & C-Funk; who are 13 yrs. old and almost 9 yrs. old respectively.  I must say that I was even surprised by the results . . . . well not completely surprised but there was one that threw me for a loop!

Spillz's primary love language turned out to be Quality Time.  Now that didn't surprise me since even from a young age, she's always been ready to hang out, get in the car and go somewhere with me or anyone!  She likes her friend time and definitely recharges being around other people. ♥

C-Funk's primary love language was Gifts.  I don't know why it wasn't more clear to me - I guess because he is usually so much more reserved and tends to recharge by having time to himself either reading, building, creating.  He's much more 'internally' focused and deep - meaning, you never know what could be rumbling under the surface.  So gifts?  Wow - it all started to make sense!  Each time he is into a new 'thing' - be it Beyblades, Lego building sets, Ninjago's, Nerf dart guns, etc. - it is all he talks about even to the point of minor obsession.  But beneath the surface I now see a much deeper gratitude from an individual that when he receives a gift, it is the best prize in the world and his outpouring of 'Thanks' towards the giver is clearly heard/expressed.  He's such a sweet little man and S-Money$ reminded me of his 'language' when I was quick to point out about not being greedy/making our stuff or desires our idols when he kept going on about which Nerf gun may be best for his birthday. . . . . Maybe that's why I missed this ever so obvious language in him.  I've been so focused on teaching that I forgot Jesus' biggest command we are to live out. . . . that is LOVE.

 

*Parental lesson in humility learned thanks to Dr. Chapman's book, the Holy Spirit & the hubby working on my heart!*


NOTE:
If you'd like to take the quiz and find out your Love Language - here's the link!
Love Language Assessment

p.s. if you take it, feel free to share - I love seeing the diff. mix of love languages!!

Honest About Motherhood

• Mommy 1: "OMG!  My kids are driving me CRAZY! What about you? What's the WORST part about being a mom?" 
• Mommy 2: "Oh, there's nothing that bad.  It's all a blessing!"
• Mommy 1: "What?  C'mon, really?"
• Mommy 2: *pauses to think*  "Well, I don't know.  Nothing that I can really think of off-hand.  I just rely on God to get me through"
• Mommy 1: *internally screaming to self - "What do you mean, there's nothing you can think     of?"*  . . . . . finally says out loud to Mommy 2, "Oh, well that's good."

Ever have a similar conversation with a mom like this where it seemed everyday was filled with butterflies, rainbows, homeschooling, bible stories, organic food, hugs/kisses, singing, etc. . . . . and dare I say - unicorns??  I came across a great blog posting titled, "It Doesn't Help Anyone To Not Be Honest About Motherhood" by blogger Sarah Mae.  Her beginning paragraph struck a chord with me:

"I remember a few years ago when I was having a really hard time with the day to day of life. I had two little ones and was pregnant. I felt very lonely, I was overwhelmed, and I suffered from tremendous guilt that I wasn’t doing enough or being a good enough wife, mother, or homemaker."

It struck a chord because after having our oldest three kids approximately 4.5 - 5 years apart, I too find myself in the "Two Littles and One On the Way" phase as I persevere through the last trimester with baby #5.   Do I feel lonely?  At times.  Am I overwhelmed?  Yes - more often than I'd like to admit.  Do I carry a baggage of guilt through my day?  Undoubtedly - YES!  There is always something I didn't get to, a request I delay, A bible that collects dust, playtime that is missed, time that it lost.  All things that, when I'm honest, make me uncomfortable.

It can become far too easy in searching for answers from other moms to become even more discouraged.  Please don't misunderstand my above Mommy conversation example.  Relying on God, homeschooling, organic, etc. are not bad.  But I believe when we take those aspects through our day, sugarcoat a bit then dispense to other moms without the reality of being sinful, human and making mistakes, it can be damaging as well as discouraging.  Though there are many great 'mommy' blogs and no shortage of moms willing to offer advice - we must be careful to filter what is truly helpful vs. adding their judgement/condescending suggestion in with our already hot mess of a moment.  Because that's what it is - a moment.  It's only a season and will pass. . . . or at least that's what I keep telling myself as I squint my eyes through the storm and repeat mantra, repeat mantra, repeat mantra!! 

During Jesus' ministry, he knew what fate lay ahead and when talking to his disciples he made sure to be honest about what was to come.

*Matthew 16:21*
From then on Jesus began to tell his disciples plainly that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem, and that he would suffer many terrible things at the hands of the elders, the leading priests, and the teachers of religious law. He would be killed, but on the third day he would be raised from the dead.


*Matthew 17:22-23*
After they gathered again in Galilee, Jesus told them, “The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of his enemies. He will be killed, but on the third day he will be raised from the dead.” And the disciples were filled with grief.

*Matthew 20:17-18* 
As Jesus was going up to Jerusalem, he took the twelve disciples aside privately and told them what was going to happen to him. “Listen,” he said, “we’re going up to Jerusalem, where the Son of Man will be betrayed to the leading priests and the teachers of religious law. They will sentence him to die.


See, Jesus didn't sugarcoat the truth!  He didn't tell his disciples, "Hey dudes - look, see I have somewhere to go and, um, I'll be back to hang out in like 3 days.  OK?"  NO!  He knew his mission.  He knew how it would affect others, how they needed to prepare and he layed it out there.  No questions, no guilt, no lies.  You know how I think he did it?  First, submission to the Father - that's a given!  But also because he was first honest with himself.  He didn't have to sugarcoat because he was confident in the mission set before him.  He knew what he had to do and the importance of it.  There was no need to lie to himself or others. 

But what about me??  Or what about you??  Here's some more for thought . . . . Do we even know our mission in motherhood? If so, do we accept it?  If we embellish, is it because we don't want someone else to feel uncomfortable by our raw feelings or is it our own discomfort/feelings of inadequacy that we dislike and try to hide through walls of a smile or 'I'm doing great!' answers??   

We have to be honest with ourselves first.  Does motherhood suck sometimes.  Yes!  But do the bad days diminish the good days/moments that God has placed before us?  Definitely NO!  And hopefully through that honesty, intimacy can lead others struggling with the same plight to reach out and help pull us out of the drowning pool we know as 24/7 Everyday life. . . . .
. . . . or better yet, we can be the encourager that another mother needs to get through those tough seasons of life.  :)


**Linked To: Raising Arrows, The Straightened Path, The Better Mom